One of them must be…

I wrote this in February, when Robbie Rogers first posted his resignation from football. It was not clear at that point whether or not he meant to come back to the game, or his motives for stepping away. The Guardian has since published this honest, and difficult, interview with him, by Donald McRae. It's seriously worth reading. It makes me happy and sad simultaneously - happy because Rogers sounds like he is a man at peace with himself, and able to put 'the shit' in perspective; sad because his references to 'the shit' show just how far the beautiful game has to go.

That interview included this section, which was the main motivation for posting the article below:

He becomes thoughtful when asked if he knows any gay footballers. "No. Even now, one of my best friends said: 'Do we know anyone else in football who could possibly be gay?' And we couldn't think of anyone. We're such great actors because we're afraid to let people know who we are. We've been trained by our agents how to do interviews, how to present ourselves. No footballer has since said to me, 'Robbie, thank you, I'm gay too…' I don't know if anyone will."

*********************************
On 15 February 2013, US men’s international footballer Robbie Rogers came out, and declared he would ‘step away’ from football, in the same blogpost. He wrote eloquently about the problems that secrets can cause, finishing “My secret is gone, I am a free man, I can move on and live my life as my creator intended”.

My reaction to that was, naturally, ‘bloody well done’, which seems to be shared (alleluia) by the majority of people reacting to his declaration. Former USMNT colleagues such as Stuart Holden and Sacha Kljestan amongst others have already made their support clear (good men).

A quick run-through some other names – depressingly quick, perhaps. David Testo, who came out in 2011, said that his teammates and club had known he was gay, and they had accepted that. Marcus Urban left football in 1991 because he “chose life”. Thomas Berling retired in 2000 after coming out. Anton Hysen came out in 2011, and still plays, in the Swedish third division (and has since won the Swedish equivalent of Dancing with the Stars, which is rather adorable). And Justin Fashanu…

One thing that comes up a lot when homosexuality in football is discussed. That there must be at least one gay player in the Premiership. 

One of them must be. I mean, statistically speaking.

Weeeelllll…

The UK census does not include a question on orientation, so estimating the number of gay people in the population at large is a bit tricky – the song says ‘one in ten’, the government apparently works on the basis of 5-7%, the ONS reckoned 1.5% in 2010 on the basis of a sample of 450.000 (per the article) or 247.632 (per the backing data article – very confused), and a British Crime Survey pre-dating the ONS survey 2.2%. The ONS sample – whichever one is correct – is large in ‘polling’ terms (voting intention surveys are routinely between 1-2,000 people) but the articles don’t show margin of error or details of how the sample group were chosen.

So who knows, frankly, how many gay (I use that term deliberately for the full range of non-heterosexual sexual orientations because, well, it’s a nice word) people are kicking around in a total population for England and Wales of (ONS again, after the 2011 census) approximately 56.1 million people, approximately 27.5 million of whom are men.

Some maths. Two calculations seem important here – not just the incidence of not being straight (INBS) in the general population, but also the incidence of being a footballer (IBAF) in the general population. That general population being reduced to just the men, but not further for age-groups etc because, frankly, that’s too getting too involved. Also, it's not clear how many professional footballers there are in England and Wales - the PFA membership is around 4,000 (per wiki), but they cannot confirm exact numbers for currently playing professionals as these are held by the Premiership/League, and there are also fully professional clubs in the Conference - so that's probably a high number.

If we calculate the IBAF on these two estimations as 4,000/27.500.000, we get c.0.014% of the male population who are professional footballers. But the smaller the incidence rate, the bigger impact even a tiny margin of error can have. We’re looking for a (taking a cautious approach) c.1.5% minority in a c.0.014% minority, which on a basic multiplication works out as c.0.00022% (and that ‘c.’ is getting larger as the percentage gets smaller).

But random distribution is not an even distribution; randomness creates clusters, even without any human factors. 0.00022% is just what you get multiplying the IBNS by the IBAF, without any randomness.

And then there are the ‘human factors’ – professional footballers are a self-selecting group. Nobody appears out of nowhere as a top-flight footballer; the preparation for that starts in childhood, and kids can be cruel. Any perceived difference can be targeted, and the school changing room can be one of the worst places for this. A single-sex environment involving nudity and ‘banter’ can be pretty uncomfortable whatever, but if you are of a different orientation, or unsure, then that’s going to be even worse. Gay kids – or suspected-to-be-gay kids – are at risk of specific bullying (on top of the general kind), which could contribute to a drop-out rate either through outright exclusion (“we don’t want xxxxx on our team, he’s a woofter”) or self-protection (“I’m less likely to get shit if I join science club”).

To go alongside that negative reducer, there might also be a positive one – people bang on about heteronormative wotsits a lot, but there are some homonormative ones as well. A gay kid trying to be ‘a good gay’ might just buy the ‘gays don’t play football*’ line, and think they should be doing something else instead. God bless Gareth Thomas for preferring rugby to musical theatre.

This isn’t a random sample of 4.000 people in the population, remember, it’s a group defined by a common background and very specific skillset. Simply taking the INBS on that is to take a number based on an error-prone calculation without account of random distribution or any contextualising human factors.

So – there are no out Premiership footballers, but a general expectation that there must be at least a few who are in. Maybe there are, maybe there aren’t. None are out. That expectation is therefore a bit problematic – a diversion from the real issue. Because it’s not like there’s a theoretical gay manager with a stack of gay envelopes each with a gay name in and we all get to play ‘guess’ and see who’s right at the end of the season. Because football is about more than the Premiership, and more than the League.

For every person making this decision, it’s a personal decision. If somebody decides to stay in, then that's their call - but if they decide to stay in because the alternative seems too damn nasty, that doesn’t reflect well on the rest of us. It is for football in general (and the related cross-section of society, media, and market that involves) to address homophobia so that decision can be taken for personal reasons, without such fear. Whether Robbie Rogers is stepping back for a while to take stock and try something else, or will never go back to football, it’s his call, and I wish him all the best.

Check out the Football v Homophobia campaign for details of events, resources and links.


*This is all specific to men's football, as a number of factors affect the situation re: women's football, where there are openly gay players.  

With thanks to Ally Fogg for the read-over. All errors my own, etc and so on.

Game 30 in Sonnet Form

After Barry Glendenning's rather lovely reading of 'The Guy in the Glass' on this week's Football Weekly podcast (full version is at the end, but, as ever, it's all worth listening to) I was moved to render the weekend's Ligue 1 fixtures in verse.

(No, I don't really do iambic pentameters - but it should work)

(sort of)

The reigning champions meet those in waiting,
The dauphins meet the lioncubs at home;
In the south the bronze meets the fifth-rating,
Both looking to gain ground upon les Gones.
But Saints will have their own battle of Troyes,
Les Dogues will seek to ravage droopy Brest,
The Orient will visit Gillot’s boys,
And after that we’re stuck with all the rest.

The lanterne rouge will meet les Rouges et Noirs,
The Evian waters will seek to drown Reims,
In Corsica, to lose can lead to war,
And Bastia will face th’Athenians.
Attack, defend, attack, defend, attack;
Ligue 1 is back, my friends, Ligue 1 is back.

Nouveau-Chateau? Whatever. Style Guide.

The window has slammed shut, alleluia. Newcastle, etc and so on. In the spirit of 'mains à travers la manche', how to be snide about any other Premiership club from a franglais point of view, and their current level of franc-ness:

Unité Hom’poitriner - Evra. He's been there so long that you'd be forgiven for forgetting he's French until he gets in a fight at an international competition. But he is.

Hommecaisser Cité - Clichy, Nasri, and presumably reserve defender Jeremy Helan have been joined by (and he may be removed from l'Equipe's effectif soon enough when it becomes clear he's never getting a game) Seko Fofana (17, from Lorient, where he hasn't played a game). 

Chelmer - Florent Malouda. Yes, he is still listed.

Tottenham Chaudéperon - Lloris, Gallas, Younes Kaboul and a couple of Belgians. 

Jamaistonne - only one, but when that one is Sylvain Distin, he counts double. Also some Belgians.

Arsenal - (deep breath) Koscielny, Sagna, Squillaci, Coquelin, Diaby, Giroud. Comme toujours. 

Etang-de-Foie - Personne. Nominating Gérard as designated representative for meetings.

Cygnes-de-Mer - Darnel Situ Buyente, who I admit I've never heard of. 

Bromwich Albion de l’Ouest - Marc-Antoine Fortuné. Good pun-potential there.

Alimenter - Steve N'Zonzi. Pulis thinks he's from Nantwich.

Pays-en-Morceaux - Alfred N'Diaye. Louis Saha recently released into the wild.

Plein-Jambon - no passport-holders, but Berbatov is spiritually French.

Jambon de l’Ouest - Frederic Piquionne. Which is just a lovely name to say. 

Niquel - Personne. But they have a 20-year-old defender called George Francomb, he'll do.

Nouveau-Chateau - Disappointingly, can't field a French goalkeeper, but Tim Krul's Dutch, so could presumably step in. Otherwise, it's an experimental three-at-the-back formation of:

Debuchy - Yanga-Mbiwa - Haidara

Obertan - Marveaux - Cabaye - Sissoko - Ben Arfa

Amalfitano - Gouffran

Sudhampton - Morgan Schneiderlin is actually French. Whaddayaknow. 

Lecture - Nobody. But props to Jimmy Kébé (Mali) for his contribution to the transfer rumour mill this month.

Perruqueun Athlétique - Nouha Dicko, just signed from Etang-Noir.

Étonnpavillon - Charles N'Zogbia and new arrival Yacouba Sylla. Plus, Paul Lambert said with an accent sounds like a deconstructionist novelist of the 1960s. Très bon.

Gardes-forestières du Parc de la Reine - Loic Rémy.  But then 'Arry only has 37 senior players from 20 different countries at his disposal, and Tony Fernandes has said he needs to think about expanding to new destinations/flightpaths...

Status Report: January

So - Mapou is off to Nouveau Chateau, and Rene Girard will apparently not have his contract extended after this summer. LouLou says MHSC's captain and centre back is 'not irreplaceable' and the important thing is to get some cash in; the manager disagrees. With decent reason.

From the squad:

Goalkeepers - Jourdren, Pionnier, Ligali and Valette - all in one piece. Pionnier doing well when stepping in for Jourdren, Ligali didn't do badly in the two matches when he had to cover when both the usual starters were injured. OK.

Defence:
Rightback - Bocaly is injured, and Jeunechamp's banned for the foreseeable for that unfortunate approach to post-match conversation in the mixed zone. Usual cover is Mapou (off), Congre (now needed in the centre on a fulltime basis) and Stambouli (injured). So that leaves 21-year-old Mathieu Deplagne to hold the fort - he's played well in his five games, but he's the only one.

Centre - Congre and Hilton, with El-Kaoutari currently off at the CAN and usual cover Stambouli (again) injured. Hilton is 35 and has already missed several matches through injury.

Leftback - Bedimo. El-Kaoutari when back from the CAN.

Unconfirmed youth - this is where things will start getting tricky, if Girard has to bring in untried players in forced moves rather than the gradual and tactical deployment he has used in the past. Teddy Mezague and Vincent Di Stefano (CFA squad) will no doubt get some games, presumably with their elders moving position to accommodate them as necessary.

Midfield:
Defensive - Pitau and Dabo. Saihi, Estrada, Marveaux and Stambouli all injured.

Central - Cabella. Belhanda is away at the CAN, and looks likely to be sold on.

Attack:
Wingers - Mounier, Camara, Utaka (whose mooted move might be off as the club involved was Al-Gharafa, who've just picked up walking booking and advisory haircut poster Djibril Cisse on loan). Ait-Fana is injured. Tinhan's been loaned to Arles-Avignon.

Strikers - Charbonnier, Herrera.

Unconfirmed youth - Jonas Martin (2 matches - looks like a winger?), Guillame LeGras, Adrien Coulomb in midfield, Abdoul Karim Sylla in attack, Alexandre Cropanese (CFA2 squad) also.

Thus - in the backline, defensive and central midfield, there are good starters, but currently no cover in any position without somebody either making a debut, or playing out of position. There is some cover in attack but not a lot of it.

If anyone else gets injured or sold, this could get yet more problematic.

(opens bag of Maltesers with a sigh)

A Theory on Attitudes

So, another footballer has come out as a fellow traveller, which until a (male) top-flight footballer comes out as actually gay, will do for now. Kudos to Matt Jarvis.

On the Guardian's article on the Attitude article (so meta; so, so meta...) there was a very interesting comment from bishbosh about context - briefly, that reaching the heights of football requires a very early start and lots of practice, so it is not just 'homophobia in football' that is relevant, but also the attitudes of childhood, adolescence, the school changing room, etc. Which, however much one can argue that we adults are all/mostly more tolerant/less hitty now, is a more immature place.

So while skipissatan also has a point saying "part of the problem is people asserting that gay men can't be macho. Gareth Thomas certainly is", it should be remembered that in the schoolyard, the fact that Gareth Thomas certainly is doesn't change the prevailing attitude that (for men) gay=wimpy.  A prevailing attitude that, conversely, says that for women, gay=butch. The stereotype that girls' hockey teachers are all lesbians, etc and so on.  And so onto my theory.

These two apparently conflicting attitudes are one and the same, and come from an erroneous conflation of orientation and gender . Basically, gay men and boys get painted with the 'feminine' brush, and gay women and girls with 'masculine'.  As in sport, 'masculine' is perceived as better than 'feminine', gay men and boys therefore drop down the rankings, whereas gay women/girls move up the table.

In top-flight women's football, there are a fair amount of gay players - arguably, they could find it easier to come out because the women's game isn't the sort of high-money high-interest super-sponsored affair that the men's game is, and there are still some stars whose sexuality is rumoured but not confirmed; entirely their business, of course, but demonstrating that there can still be attitudinal problems - see also the ridiculous 'lesbian-free' situation in the Nigerian national team.

But looking back to the school changing rooms - if the stereotype is that sporty girls are a bit gay (this even happened to Sporty Spice, for crying out loud) then, well...is it easier to be in an environment where you meet the stereotype rather than challenge it?  This conflation, therefore, is not a good thing - it's an aspect of wider stereotyping and dismissal of gay people as individuals - but a bizarre side-effect of it seems to be that gay women find it easier to get on in football than gay men.

The 'there are no gay footballers' thing does annoy me, although I know what is meant.  There are, and it might be worth looking at why a) they aren't initially included in 'footballers' without the qualifier 'women' and b) this doesn't seem to be such an issue in the women's game.  Probably because, of course, 'nobody likes women's football'. Uh huh. Like 'there are no gay footballers'.

Got two things a bit entangled there, but there you go.

Translation: Olivier Giroud Interview

This is a translation of an interview in L'Equipe Magazine of 8 December 2012, conducted by Erik Bielderman. The original can be found here in readable format in French.

This is not an official translation, and I am not a professional translator - it is intended only to help out non-Francophone readers.

The asterisks show where L'Equipe added clarifying notes, and [square brackets] identify idioms or grammatical constructions I can't usefully translate, or am not sure of (where English is included) - update 10 December 2012, thanks to Belgoona for some help with that, (edits noted in text).

--------------------------------------

Have you become a true ‘Gunner’?

I became one when I heard the fans singing my name. It was at Anfield, Liverpool, at the beginning of the season. Away from home, those are the true fans who support us. In fact, they sing more away from home than at the Emirates. Imagine it, you are at Anfield and you hear Hey Jude by the Beatles, a song with your name. It gave me shivers. It gives you the will to win.

Despite that support, you had to wait until 26 September and your 7^th match to score your first goal…in the League Cup, against a team from the third tier (Coventry). Were you preoccupied by that?

It was a relief. But it was necessary to score in the Premier League to grow in confidence. The real goal came against West Ham*, and better still my brothers were in the Arsenal end. It was even more important for me to score that day. Again away from home! It is also exciting to score in front of 60.000 fans at home, but, away from home, the fans will support you to the end.

English football, it’s a big shock, no?

Listening to music in the dressing room before a match, that was banned at Montpellier. In the cup, and in the Champions League, when you meet at the stadium before the match. I like that laidback approach. But Arsenal is ‘french style’. [On a souvent des mises au vert, aussi].

When you arrive at Arsenal, are you met by the culture of the club (head on) ?

They watch. They see if you want to take on the customs of the club, of the country. They let you integrate at your speed. I was well advised by former players, such as Mikael Silvestre, Robert Pires. They are full of the modern history of Arsenal. They told me above all about life at the club. I am integrating easily. I haven’t gone to the museum yet, but I will do.

You should visit it with Charlie George, he’s a legend there.

Really, in the stadium corridors or here at the training centre, you feel the weight of history.  There are so many photos of legends of the club. I often stop to look at them. The photo of Pat Vieira and the manager with the trophy in 2004…there is also the statue of Thierry Henry in front of the Emirates. And also, I feel the presence of Dennis Bergkamp, of whom I have always been a fan.

Have you passed the Art-Deco façade of the East Stand, the sole vestige of Highbury, the mythical stadium of Arsenal?

I see it when we pass in the bus when we come to matches. I see the crowd pass in front of it, that comes up out of the underground and processes to the Emirates. I see the groups of fans in front of the pubs. Really, it gets you. It makes you want to be irreproachable. The fans make you understand the honour it is to wear the shirt.

How is Arsenal different from others in England?

It’s the ‘french touch’. I’m the 23^rd French player to wear the colours since Arsene Wenger’s arrival. The club is marked by the goals of Henry, the 400** matches of Pat Vieira.  Back then, the manager brought the club up-to-date. He built practically everything and gave a very pronounced style to the team. I built his team with that philosophy and not by spending millions, like others did. He didn’t buy a team ready to go. He fashioned it. Even if there hasn’t been a trophy for seven years, it has that strong identity. Every year, he has lost two or three of his best players, but the club has not abandoned that philosophy; it rebuilds. Even if that isn’t always obvious.

Is there internal disquiet, not to be winning trophies any more?

Bizarrely, no. We speak more of it in France than here. The English have a focus on looking forward, not back. It’s a real strength.

Don’t you have the feeling of arriving at a period of tension?  At a moment when the club seems to be weakening?

Yeees…(hesitation). But at the same time, that puts less pressure on me. It’s not a recent thing, that big players leave Arsenal. Now, we have to forget them / let them go, even if the (new) names are less well known. We want to bring honours to this club.

Less pressure? Really? You are following van Persie, Bergkamp, Henry, Wright…

I feel the pressure to get results, but not so much that it inhibits me, to be in the place of my predecessors. When you arrive at a big club, you will always be replacing a big attacker. It’s pointless to get hung up on it. Van Persie wasn't built in a day (corrected 10 December 2012).

With already 7 goals and 6 assists, you’ve started well.

Thierry Henry had to wait 8 matches to score in the Premier League, Bergkamp the same. So I’ve done OK, but we have to do better collectively.

What does that mean, ‘we have to do better collectively’?

We have to be more effective in all areas of the game. More realistic. More varied, also. We build the game from the back and it takes a while for the ball to reach the attacker. I have to adapt to that. When you are a striker, you hope for more crosses, as well. We aren’t very spontaneous when we’re in a position to cross. I’ve talked about that with my colleagues.

Arsenal, it’s a passing game. Maybe too much, in front of goal…

Maybe…maybe we have to impose ourselves more on the game. But wait, I’ve got no pretentions to be the manager; just I have the chance to be in a club where we can talk about things.

For Wenger, [le jeu ne depasse-t-il pas l’enjeu? - is there more at stake than the games?]

I don’t know…it’s a good question. Arsene wants to win every match. Each time we go out on the field, he says ‘believe in your qualities’, ‘play your game’. He wants us to impose our philosophy o the game. He wants us to dominate, when we have possession. Here, we don’t want to be reacting to the game of our opponents. He is very educational / informative in what he says. He pushes us to outdo ourselves, to go and get the win.

At any price?

Frankly, I don’t know…

How do you deal with the movements at the club, attacks on some shareholders for their supposed lack of ambition?

I don’t pay any attention. I’ve heard about it. Even about tensions in the management team, between the manager and Steve Bould, his assistant, but I’ve never seen any of that. Maybe it’s true, but in the dressing room I’ve never been aware of it. When you sell important players, it is reasonable to be able to ask how that money will be spent, but Arsenal is a healthy club, well-run, and if the fair-play rules came in tomorrow, they’d be one of the only ones who would be OK.

Manchester City became champions by getting the chequebook out.

And Montpellier were too, up against PSG, without getting the chequebook out. Here, we bought Santi Cazorla without spending 50 million! He’s a super player. My history proves you can win titles without being a star. I’ve spoken with players here, told them that with Montpellier, we did it without having millions.

Those who see you play every week say that your body language has changed, that you look bigger, more confident, more at home on the pitch in recent weeks. An explanation?

When you arrive in the Premier League, you have to adapt to the physicality of the game, the intensity. You have to get used to it. Once you have processed that you are an Arsenal player, that gives you confidence. Your attitude changes. You want to show how much you want to succeed.

And how does that work?

I’m more demanding of myself. More concentrated. More professional. More applied. In training, in matches. When I miss a ball, I say to myself “…You have to work on that!”. You are surrounded by players more technically adept than before, so you have to get up to their level. I know myself, I can tend to just go with it if I am comfortable. People have always said that. On coming here, I have got rid of that. I am guided by a constant desire (to be better).

When the Olivier Giroud of Arsenal is with the national team, how is he different from the Giroud of Montpellier?

I feel more legitimate / worthy. I think I warrant respect for what I do on the field. I don’t see myself as a leader. I feel more at ease. I take my place, I do what I do.

In the bus, at the table, you choose your place?

A little bit, yes. It’s more natural. You will be more at ease in a group when you are performing on the field. You feel you deserve that place. I ask myself fewer questions. I don’t look at the pictures of the legends on the walls at Clairefontaine any more. You have to stay grounded. There were many triggers. My goal, and my game, against Germany, selection for the Euros, and my equaliser against Spain.

Your profile / image has increased, and with your good looks, you are well placed to attract advertisers…

 I don’t chase contracts. I have just Puma for the moment. I look for quality brands to associate with. And I want to stay true to who I am. On my website and interviews with the media.

There is, keeping some perspective, a bit of the David Beckhams about you. Handsome, polite, you like football, fashion…and aware of all those attributes.

That’s a nice comparison! I work with a PR agent to achieve more visibility. I’m lucky enough to have a pretty decent face and I want to work with that (corrected 10 December 2012) . Without people thinking I’m someone else.

From a middle class background, you have gone for the tattoos. That’s quite ‘footballer’ in spirit.

Unlike Beckham, I’m not totally covered. I think I will stop here. I got tattoos because it was fashionable, but also, to mark that I was a man, a self-affirmation. Apart from a tribal design on my calf, the all represent me. I’m devout, so I have a Biblical psalm on my right arm: “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want”. The one on my left arm is Polynesian. Every one has its significance. And remind me of my values: family, love, friends, courage, strength, honour. I am happy to have them on, and in, me.

In England, the players are often tattooed, do you talk about them a lot?

I’m not sure if they understand the significance of my tattoos. Anyway, it’s not the same style of tattooing that you find here. Here, they have more. Me, I wanted something sparser, more spaced out; which my mother prefers. I’m no ‘bad boy’…

After five months in England, what is there English about you other than the aerial game?

Tracking back to put in tackles. Making that effort. The English public is more knowledgeable for that than the French. Here they clap a defensive effort, a tackle, a pass out. I feel good here. I like the intensity of direct football, when it’s end-to-end, ‘box to box’. I like football with loads of chances. I like this country where you live, eat and sleep football. I feel at home. After all, they invented it.

*7^th match in the League

**actually 406, against 377 for Henry

ATP: The Nightmare Before Christmas curated by Shellac of North America

Can you ever go back? When ATP first relocated from Camber Sands to Minehead, there was muttering. The chalets were too nice, the range of eateries too commercial, it was simply too weird seeing Patti Smith performing in a food court, illuminated by light seeping out of Burger King and Pizza Hut. Then, they sorted out the venues, fixed the sound, and we all got used to being able to have a fry-up in the morning, possibly a latte later on, a haircut, maybe a massage.  Old lags would reminisce about Camber’s soul, but Minehead had facilities. 

And then ATP went back to Camber.  ‘Soul’, in this context, means spartan accommodation,  some frankly baffling logistical decisions (queuing for over an hour to check in because they were ID-ing everyone, when the median age for an ATP crowd must be 35; removing all the furniture from the Queen Vic, which puzzled even the bar-staff; instituting a ‘one-in-one-out’ policy on a side entrance used as a thoroughfare, so they were overloading the downstairs venue because the ‘outs’ were actually leaving the games arcade), cheap drinks, bumping into Kim Deal in the merch room, and brilliant music.

Queue-gate meant that pretty much everyone missed Shellac’s first set, opening proceedings on Friday afternoon, and also cellist Helen Money – one of the lucky few to make it in early enough to see the curators said there was less chat than usual, the band possibly annoyed that half their crowd was outside downing cans of lager to keep warm.  But the line-up was made up of about half the bands Steve Albini has ever produced, and he’s a diverse chap, so when everyone was finally in, the festival took off.

Scrawl were an early highlight, forerunners of Sleater Kinney with their driving riffs, shared vocals and close harmonies, Marcy Mays and Sue Harsh gently sending up their longevity – “this is from our first record , most of you weren’t born…this is our new drummer, he’s been playing with us for seven years” – in between pounding out their choruses.  Turing Machine blended guitars with a dance vibe, a drum groove under the rock, a wall of noise in a tank top.  Mono played soundtrack music, swelling and shimmery, a corollary to something but with little plotline of its own, instead working a slow build, or a fade to black.

Downstairs

Saturday, and Buke and Gase – a perennial problem at ATP is a back-to-back running order and bands with a non-traditional approach to songs, so it can be difficult to tell if they have started yet or are still soundchecking – “ta ta ta, hallelu-u-jah, this is just an exercise, ta ta ta, God this is embarrassing” received an encouraging round of applause before they embarked on their rolling, riffing, developing songs, and following an ATP tradition by ‘hiring’ Shellac bassist Bob Weston for one song. 

Bottomless Pit have longevity as well, formed from the remnants of Silkworm and piling on more rock, not trad, of course, but ATP-trad, with wafts of something else, maybe Battles. Then Arcwelder, on which notes say a) singing drummer and b) Pavement have a lot to answer for – they are better when they go off-piste, and a more bluesy element comes in. 

The queues start up again, to see Red Fang and Melt Banana downstairs – Wire are upstairs, heavy not poppy, featuring traditional curator-thanking, and a hardcore of devotees dancing wildly. This is now all about Kim Deal – she starts her first ever solo show with her first ever solo record (Walking with a Killer), plays a song for her father, then one for her mother – “she has Alzheimers, she asks me, are you mine?”.  She plays Oh! and Fortunately Gone from Pod, she switches guitars, plays Cannonball and does almost all the voices (the crowd helping out with in the shade…). Then, after an extended exchange, partly in Dutch, with a man in the crowd, the traditional hopeful request, and her response – initially “no, I can’t, I only played bass on it, I can’t … ah, how hard can it be?” – she plays Gigantic.  It’s a wonderful set; she’s nervous, but her voice is as beautiful as ever and the setlist a great mix of where she’s been and where she is now.

Upstairs

Sunday, and another ATP tradition, that the early sets are a calmer, quieter affair. Watching Rachel Grimes, the chiming sound of a heavy-sustain grand piano (does this explain the JCB outside, which we had assumed was there to hold the building up?) backdropped by the squeaking of a badly-oiled door, is a perfect way to start; this is modern classical to counterpoint the walls of noise constructed elsewhere. She plays Elements, In the Vapour, an extended selection written on a recent retreat, and then, welcoming Shannon Wright onstage, Last Things Last, the only Rachel’s song to have vocals.  Wright sings beautifully, wiping away tears – the song was written by Grimes’ bandmate Jason Noble, who died this August.

This was followed by Nina Nastasia, her spare, gorgeous folk leavened with rambling anecdotes about ‘snot-suckers’, Twinkies, and Steve Albini’s studio ice-breaker, an encyclopaedia of sexual practices (“so, you get a bag of bees…”). She is joined by Grimes, and cellist Alison Chesley, a.k.a. Helen Money, for a couple of songs, one clearly impromptu (“ah, it’s only two chords, and they’re professionals”) for another contrast. Simply beautiful.

Bear Claw amp up the noise with thumping drums, and Future of the Left have a joyous edge to their rage, a danceable flavour to their rhythmic battering – a dozen bands seen, barely scraping the surface of the line-up, and that’s without the ‘extra-curricular activities’ both organised (pop quiz, book club, karaoke) and spontaneous (chalet parties, band-spotting, a bracing trip to the beach). It’s good to be back.

A note for those attending the next event, curated by The National. Bring everything. Everything you might need. You may have been lulled into a false sense of security by Minehead. Bring mugs. Bring toilet paper. Don’t assume there will be a shower. Check if the meter moves before spending money on leccy at the shop. Bring beer and biscuits for the queue. Bring washing up liquid and a tea towel. And for the love of God, bring a sleeping bag. Enjoy!

The full line-up: http://www.atpfestival.com/events/shellacxmas/lineup.php

ATP curated by The National: http://www.atpfestival.com/events/thenational.php